10 Things Every Parent Should Know about Play

10 Things Every Parent Should Know about Play.



I couldn't say it better myself!

Find your Family Rhythm!

Starting new things or changing routine will often create a bit of chaos and the sense of a lack of control.  Believe it or not, this chaos is an essential part of growing for kids and for their parents.  Chaos pushes us to look at our situation differently.  You may have heard that “out of chaos, comes order.”  Finding and feeling your family’s rhythm can help you move through the chaos with a better sense of control.

Practice these 4 Drills to help your family find some rhythm:

Drill #1: Evening/Bedtime Routines

·         Determine an appropriate bedtime for your child(ren). 

·         Start the process about an hour before.  “Bedtime” means in bed, lights out, drifting off to sleep.

·         Avoid stimulating activities an hour before bedtime, especially screen time.

·         10 minutes to lights out:  This is the “ritual” time of your bedtime routine: read a book, sing a song or two, or just talk about the day.  These moments before lights out are typically the most important and most meaningful to your child(ren), so make sure you create something that is important and meaningful to you.

Drill #2: Family Mealtimes

·         To start, establish one time during the week to regularly sit down to a meal together with your family.  It can be any meal of the day, any day of week.  Add opportunities to share meals together as you get accustomed.

·         Invite the children to participate in the preparation of the meal.  Allow them to set the table and clear dishes after the meal.

·         Prepare one meal for the entire family.  Making different foods for picky-eaters will only perpetuate the problem.

Drill #3: Keep a family calendar

·         Hang a calendar somewhere in the house that is easily accessible and easily seen by the whole family.

·         Put any events/activities that affect all or part of the family on the calendar.

·         Refer to the calendar regularly.  As children get older, encourage them to add their own activities/events to the calendar.

Drill #4:  Family Meetings (this drill builds on drills #2 & #3)

·         Designate one of your shared mealtimes as your Family Meeting.

·         Go around the table and share….. Model and encourage the sharing of one good thing and one not-so-good thing from the day or week.  Your family can come up with a name for this part…. Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down, or Warm Fuzzy/Cold Prickly…  Don’t try to problem-solve.  Just share and listen.

·         Check the calendar.  Talk about the activities for the week and any special responsibilities. Add events that are missing.

·         End the meeting with a fun family activity!  (Puzzle, Mad Libs, storytelling, or even watching a favorite program.)

Summer Family Fitness Challenge!

Hi Folks!

I hope you have joined this event on Facebook.
https://www.facebook.com/events/579835705471040/

And, I hope you have taken the time to talk with your family about what you believe makes a "fit" family. 

I am posting the log sheets here.  Please save to your computer.  Each week, print a copy for each participant in the family.  Take some time to talk about family and personal goals so that you may support one another.  Post the sheets where they are easy to find!

Have a fit family summer!  I will keep the resources and challenges and cheers coming!

Log Sheet


Lauren

Kick-Off: Summer Family Fitness Challenge, 2014

Welcome!  I am so excited  to be hosting my 2nd Annual Summer Fitness Challenge, and delighted to be your guide to a more fit family!  I will be here everyday offering resources, ideas, and much more.  You may choose your level of involvement.  Maybe you will just check in now and then, or maybe you will fill out weekly log sheets with your family and check in with the group about your progress.  You decide!  I am happy to have you.  And, I hope you will share this challenge with others.

First, let me clarify what I mean by family fitness. This challenge is not only about physical fitness, though it is a BIG part of it.   This program is about fitness of the body, of the mind, and of the heart.  The challenges I will pose and the resources I will provide will cover these different areas of fitness.  My hope is, that by working together as a family to become more physically healthy and fit, you will nurture your relationships AND build your awareness about one another, about healthy choices, and, especially, about your self.

I invite you, parents and grandparents ( I know we have some grandparents!), to encourage your families in ways you may or may not have done so in the past.  The best way to do so is by  modeling.  The activities I will suggest are designed to help you to get your families involved in a variety of ways, and most often, in ways that will simply feel like fun!

You might be wondering where the Log Sheets are...  We will get to that next Monday.  This week is about small steps into more physical activity, defining "fitness" for your family, and goal-setting.

Today, I challenge you to talk with your family about this challenge.  Tell them why family fitness is important to you, and invite them to share what fitness means to them.  That's it!!  Not so tough, right?  Keep in mind, that some kids won't have an immediate response.  If not, simply tell them, "Let me know when you think of something!  In the meantime, lets go to the park."



Practice Makes Parents!  Let me be your coach. 

Technology as a tool, not a tether

I recently had the honor, again, to talk with Gloria DeGaetano on her podcast, Parent Well in Our Digital World. 

She invited me to talk with her about how parents might use technology as a tool for the family and not allow it to be a tether.

I invite you to listen!

http://webtalkradio.net/internet-talk-radio/2014/03/24/parent-well-in-our-digital-world-devices-are-tools-not-tethers/

Are you speaking your child's love language?

Gary Chapman originally wrote The 5 Love Languages for married couples.  In his work over many years as a pastor and marriage counselor, he noticed a few things; 1) People speak different “love languages”, 2) people were usually drawn to others who spoke a different love language, 3) after many years of marriage, couples were speaking a love language that their spouses could not receive.  Marriages were troubled and ending because couples weren’t feeling loved by spouses, and yet, each claimed to still love the other.  Once couples learned about the “love languages” and began showing love in these different ways, marriages were “reborn!”

At the many conferences Mr. Chapman was doing on this topic, he was often approached by parents asking if this idea could be applied to their children.  He believed that yes, indeed, these could and should apply, and he partnered with Ross Campbell to write The 5 Love Languages of Children.

The “emotional tank” or “love” tank: There are five basic ways that people express love.  Though people tend to use all five languages, there is usually one language that feels more meaningful than the others.  Each person is different and prefers to give and receive love in his/her own meaningful way. When someone perceives the expressed love, this fills the “emotional tank.”  When the “tank” is full it provides results much like getting enough sleep and eating well…it enables us to deal effectively and appropriately with the events of our day.  When the “tank” is not being filled, it may result in behavior issues, or the inability to deal effectively and appropriately with the events of the day.  This is true for both adults and children.  Adults, however, have developed better coping skills!

The authors, Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, write, “For a child to feel love, we must learn to speak her unique love language.  Every child has a special way of perceiving love.”   All parents love their children and do their best to communicate this love.  Sometimes the message of love is received and they “get it” and other times it is missed.  The more we learn about how a child’s love is expressed and how s/he needs love expressed to him/her, the more we can keep our child’s “emotional tank” full and, ultimately, feel more successful in our role as a parent.

The 5 Love Languages:

Physical Touch:  Children who prefer this love language are often referred to as “clingy.”  They constantly seek hugs and kisses and being physically close. Examples of love expressed in this way include hugs, kisses, a pat on the back, or holding a child while reading a story.  As children grow older, they may enjoy more vigorous kinds of physical touch such as “bear hugs,” “high-fives,” or piggy-back rides.  Children that appear overly physical—pushing, hitting, wrestling---are usually seeking to express love or friendship and/or are searching to have the tank filled!

Words of Affirmation: Children who prefer this love language often look for comments of praise and encouragement like, “What a beautiful dress!” or “I love this colorful painting!”   They will tend to offer such comments of praise and encouragement, as well.  Some examples…

Words of praise: “Great Catch!  You really know how to play baseball!”

Words of affection: “I love you!”  “I really love spending time with you!”

Words of encouragement: “I bet, with your great mind, you can figure that out!”

 

Quality Time: Children who prefer this love language crave specific and focused attention from you!  They look forward to “dates”, story time at bedtime, and baking cookies together.  As long as it is focused and intentional, however, it really doesn’t have to be more than 10 minutes.  It is the quality, not the quantity… so…

          Plan ahead for quality time with each child

          Get down on their level

          Make eye contact

          Play first, and then do chores!

           

Gifts: Children who prefer this love language might have a treasure box of special items given to them by others.  They might wear the necklace from grandma every day.  They also tend to make and present gifts of many kinds to the people they love.  The English word “gift” comes from the Greek word “charis,” which means “grace” or “underserving gift.”  The idea behind this love language is that gifts are given out of love and appreciation, “just because” and not because the gift was “earned.”  The most meaningful gifts are unexpected or reveal a true understanding or appreciation of another. This is not the same as buying your child everything s/he asks for.  In most cases, children who are not feeling loved in all the languages, will eventually view this as an effort to “buy” love.  Some examples of appropriate gifts….

·        Passing down an heirloom necklace to your daughter

·        Buying new baseball mitt for your son who has always loved based

(Then spend some quality time playing catch!)

·        Seeing a yummy treat you know the kiddos would love and surprising them with an afterschool goodie

Remember, these gifts are meaningful because they won’t be viewed as payment for something and because they don’t happen every day or every time your child!

Acts of Service: This love language, for some reason, seems to be the most overlooked.  A child who speaks this love language is very perceptive about when you can use his/her help.  They offer to fold clothes or help make the bed.  Acts of Service should be age appropriate…

·        Making your five-year-olds bed (a ten-year-old can make his own bed)

·        Driving your teenager to the movies

Parenting is, of course, a service-oriented vocation, but it is important not to do everything for our children.  For children who don’t show a preference for this language, it is equally important that we model acts of service for them and for others.  This is necessary to teach service and responsibility!

Identifying your child’s love language may be very obvious, or it may take some time.  Be sure to offer love in all of the languages.  Observe and compare reactions to hug, a word of encouragement, and time spent reading a book together. 

“Speaking another’s love language is a thoughtful, deliberate choice.  Love is a decision.”

Advent Daily: Practical Strategies for Empowered Parenting

Day Seven:  Reading Together...

My kiddos are 13 and 16 years old.  Still, I read to them at night before they go to sleep.  While we don't get to do it every night, as their schedules are busier, and we have graduated to reading Harry Potter and Little Women, it continues to be treasured time together.  We snuggle under covers together, and I read. 

Sometimes, on a rainy afternoon, we may choose to snuggle up in our big chair and read a few chapters.  I love that both of my children still want to sit in my lap, on occasion.  This treasured quality time has been building for many years. It is something I started when they were very young.  And now, it has become an important ritual.  When we haven't been able to read at bedtime for a while, something is missing , and we seem to crave it.  And so, we make it happen.

This time together has created a very beautiful piece of connectedness among us.  We laugh at the silly parts, especially when a tired momma mispronounces a word.  We cry at the sad parts.  We talk about the tough stuff.  And sometimes we just read and listen.  These same kinds of moments have transferred to the other parts of our lives.  Because we practice laughing and crying and discussing as we listen to the stories of others, we are able to do the same together when we share our own stories.

Books give us something to dream about and something to relate to.  They open the door for conversations that we may never have, otherwise.  They provide us opportunities to practice, if only in theory, for difficult situations.  Most importantly, this momma is grateful to have created this treasured and safe place for my children to always return to....